


i wish you would

by starshine_eyes



Category: K-pop
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Korean Characters, Pre-Idol, Sad, k-pop oc, slight mentions of anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:35:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshine_eyes/pseuds/starshine_eyes
Summary: when a girl and a kpop trainee fall in love, and somehow, they think it could work out.for a while.
Kudos: 1





	i wish you would

**Author's Note:**

> slightly inspired by the video made by jina kim <3

I picked up my bag and walked out of my house, shutting the door on the sound of my parents yelling at each other. I bit back tears as I headed to the bus stop. I needed to get away, and I needed to get away now. A bus pulled up and I got on, not knowing or caring where it went. Leaning my head against the window as I watched the clouds change shape and the houses pass through eyes blurred by tears. The fighting has been getting worse and worse as the days turned into weeks. I hadn’t told any of my friends because everyone was studying and I didn’t want them to get distracted. I had been very distracted with everything and I knew I needed to get some work done if I was going to get good grades. I got off the bus at the next stop. I was in a suburb on the outskirts of Seoul, must’ve been on the bus for a while. I headed into a café and sat down. It was small, with a few students studying and mums chatting. I pulled out my computer, opened up an assignment and began typing. Good progress was being made when a worker came up to me.  
“Is there anything I can get for you today, ?” he asked. I looked up at him. He was an average hight, with black silky hair and a baby face my friends would swoon at.  
“ No thanks, I need to study.” I smiled, and looked down at my work. I saw him leave out of the corner of my eye. Pretty boys were the least of my worries at the moment. But a few moments later, I saw someone sitting in the seat opposite me. I looked up and saw the same worker from before.  
“Here, on the house. You’ve been working hard for so long, I think you need this.” He said, holding out a coffee. I stared at him like an idiot.  
“Why are you being nice to me? I’m just studying, and also, shouldn’t you be working?” I asked, regretting the rudeness of the words as they left my mouth. I watched his face as his bright smile faded a little, making me feel worse.  
“Um, my shift is over, and I might be wrong, but you look as though you’ve been crying and you’ve been on your computer for hours. I was just, I’m not sure, I’m sorry.” He said sadly as he fiddled with his fingers.  
“Oh no its ok! I’ve had a long day and it wasn’t fair of me to be rude. I’m Soohyun by the way.” I said, hating myself for making this sweet boy look so sad. He was trying to make me feel better, and I succeeded in making him feel bad as well. Great job Soohyun.  
“Nice to meet you Soohyun! I’m Jaesung. Do you wanna talk about what happened with a random person you just met?” he asked with those sympathetic eyes you see on people after you tell them someone has died. He seemed so kind and I was so tired of feeling alone. So I closed my computer, drank my coffee, and told Jaesung about my parents, and not wanting to tell my friends. He sat there and listened for the whole time, and finally when I got to the end, he gave me a tissue. I wiped my escaped tears, embarrassed.  
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realise I was crying. I am such a mess I’m sorry Jaesung.” I said quietly. He gave me a big sunshine smile and told me it was ok, and that he wanted to see me smile. I couldn’t help but smile, making him smile even bigger, if that is possible. It felt good, in that little café, pouring myself out to a stranger. I glanced at the clock.  
“Oh my gosh how did it get so late? I’m so sorry, I need to get home.” I said panicking, putting all my stuff in my bag.  
“Wait! Will you come back tomorrow?” Jaesung said as I ran to the door.  
“Yes! Ill see you then!” I said, closing the door and looking at the name of the café.  
Violet breeze. That’s a strange one. I looked up the bus timetable on my phone and caught the first bus back to my house. I walked inside nervously, but the yelling had stopped. I slipped into my room and turned on my computer to finish my assignment, but mainly thinking about Jaesung, with the first smile on my face in weeks.  
The next day went by in blur of school and avoiding questions abut why I seemed so happy. I spent my classes watching the clock, waiting, waiting. When the bell finally rang, I flew out of class, leaving my friends behind. I went to the school bus stop and got on the first bus. I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I tried to imagine all the scenarios of what could possibly happen to top yesterday. I was numb with happiness, a feeling I wasn’t used to, but liked. When the bus finally pulled up outside Violet breeze, I suddenly felt sick. Did an impossibly pretty boy really talk to me yesterday, and ask me to come back? Did he actually like me, or did he only pity me? The angry voice in the back of my head that I would come to hear many times a day whispered for the first time. I suddenly wanted to get back on the bus. I turned to face the bus stop, when a cheerful voice disrupted my thoughts.  
“Soohyun! Is that you!” I turned around to see Jaesung waving from the café, his hair tousled and his apron stained. I couldn’t help but smile, and walked towards to the café.  
“I love your uniform, did you come to see me straight from school?” he asked chirpily, eyes full of stars and moons. I blushed.  
“I probably should have changed. Why aren’t you at school right now anyway?” I asked suddenly. Jaesung didn’t look any older than me, how could he have gotten here so fast from school? Jaesung shrugged and brushed it off, saying his school was nearby and he needed to work for tuition like many other Korean teenagers. I let it go, and went in with him.  
“How was your day Soohyun?” He said after I sat down, leaning his head on his hand in the cutest way that made me blush again. Stop blushing Soohyun! Get it together!  
“Just school. How about you?” He began wiping down a nearby table, I forgot he was working.  
“The usual. What are you planning on doing after school?” Our conversation flowed endlessly as the sun lowed in the sky and everything was golden. People came and went, Jaesung served them and I opened my laptop, but didn’t do any work. I watched him, watched the way people felt the rays of light and happiness radiating off him, the infectious smiles he gave people, the way he did the little extra thing to make peoples lives easier. And the little looks he would give me. The glances my way, and the little smiles. I felt full and floating at the same. I felt like I could stay here forever, in this café that smelled a bit damp, but with the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I forgot everything. All the stress fell away, and was replaced with blue skies and rainbows and butterflies.  
“Soohyun? Um, my shift just ended and I was wondering if you would like to go get some food with me? If you like?” I looked up at Jaesung, his cheeks blushed pink, a shy smile on his face, making my heart melt.  
“Yes! Yes I would.” I said, sliding my computer into my bag and following him out of the café. The sun was disappearing, but I didn’t care. My parents probably hadn’t given my whereabouts a second thought. Jaesung lead me into a diner. We sat at a booth, and I looked around and admired the vintage décor of it. Jaesung noticed me looking.  
“Do you like it? This is my favourite place to eat. The people are so nice, it is well decorated, and the food tastes great, most importantly.” He winked at me, and I tried to focus on the menu to stop my racing heart. We fell back into easy conversations, talking about our goals and hopes for the future. Jaesung revealed his love of music and I was falling deeper.  
For weeks we continued meeting after school and spending every last minute with each other. I couldn’t help it. Jaesung was the only thing that mattered to me. My life was spiralling out of control in the best possible way. I would live for the time I spent with Jaesung, talking and exploring Seoul together. The way I used to survive through the days that were all identical, living with my eyes closed. But Jaesung opened them, and I found a whole universe behind the dark clouds. Jaesung was my salvation, and I had developed strong feelings for him. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. Or so I thought.  
One Friday I caught the bus after school to meet up with Jaesung. I smiled out the widow at the sun beaming down. School was almost out and I was excited to spend every moment of the holidays with Jaesung. I was on cloud nine. I hopped off the bus to find Jaesung standing there waiting for me. His hands were in his pockets and he was chewing his lip. I felt my stomach drop. That was the face of bad news. And there was no time for bad news in my schedule.  
“Soohyun, I need to tell you some things. I took some time off my shift. Will you come with me?” he asked quietly. I nodded and followed him into the vintage themed diner. We sat down at our usual booth and Jaesung looked at me.  
“Soohyun. Over the past few weeks we have spent lots of time together and I have- well- there is no easy way to say this, but I am a kpop trainee.” My jaw dropped. I knew Jaesung had dreams, but I didn’t know they were coming true! Why didn’t he tell me? Being a kpop trainee takes so much time and effort, how did he ever have time to spend with me? Or work at the café? Maybe if he actually liked you he would’ve told you. I push the voice away. This is not the time or place.  
“why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, looking at the floor. I was hurt, but I tried to keep it out of my voice.  
“I need to finish telling you ok? Please don’t look like that Soohyun-ah.” He looked as hurt as me, so I looked at him with a small smile, and he continued.  
“My dream has always been to be an idol star, so I would practise and train hard all the time. When I turned 14, I began auditioning. 2 years later, here I am, under Woolim entertainment, working part time to pay for my trainee bills, and feeling the best I ever have. But then, I met you. I can never stop thinking about you, and you made me happy no matter what. The stress of my job falls away when I’m with you. I was afraid that you would see me differently or not want to see me anymore if I told you the truth, so I lied. For all this time. The longer it went, the worse I felt, and the more my feelings for you grew.” Jaesung looked at the ground, his cheeks the same flushed colour as I could imagine mine were. All this time he was a trainee. All this time he had feelings for me.  
“My debut date is set in one months time. I was afraid with all the preparations I wouldn’t get time to tell you the truth and ask you a question I’ve been meaning to ask you.” Jaesung looked up at me, pain in his sparkling brown eyes, his expression afraid. He really thought I hated him. My heart hurt seeing him like this.  
“This might be the last thing you want to do right now, but, if you don’t hate me forever, maybe you might want it go on a date with me?” I looked into his eyes, his impossibly beautiful eyes. I was close to crying, but I couldn’t do that to him. I was so incredibly happy and proud and I couldn’t believe this was happening.  
“Jaesungie.” I couldn’t bear it then. I started sobbing. Jaesung looked at me with his big heartbroken eyes and I sobbed harder.  
“Of course I’ll go out with you.” I said through tears. Jaesung’s tears spilled over as well. He stood up and held out his arms and I collapsed into him. We both cried, me into Jaesung’s hoodie and Jaesung into my shoulder. I was sure there were people staring, but I couldn’t care less. I was with Jaesung, and I had never loved him more that at that moment. He rubbed my back to try and comfort me, and I hugged him harder.  
“I’m so proud of you Sungie” I mumbled into his hoodie. I didn’t know if he heard me or not, and I didn’t really care.  
“You make me happier that I have ever been. I’ve never loved you more.” I whispered. Jaesung was saying something I couldn’t hear, so I just kept hugging him. My life had never been this drenched in sunshine, and I was ready to drown in the happiness that I was feeling right then. I am Jaesung’s girlfriend. He was living his dream and he still wanted to be my boyfriend. He wanted me. He was scared that I would reject him. He is crying because I am his girlfriend. Eventually we left the diner and walked around holding hands.  
“Woolim Jaesung! That’s incredible!” I exclaimed for the hundredth time. Jaesung grinned and the world lit up.  
“Shhh people will hear!” he said through his smile.  
“Good! I want people to know how talented you are. HEY EVRYONE! MY BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO BE A KPOP STARRR!” I yelled, and Jaesung grabbed me as I squealed with laughter. His face was lit up like a starry sky and I was so lucky. To have him.  
“Hey everyone! MY GIRLFRIEND IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN KOREA!” Jaesung yelled as I jumped up trying to cover his mouth, but I didn’t really want him to stop calling me as his girlfriend. I protested loudly and he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I laughed as he ran around, pretending to drop me. People looked at us like I used to look at all the cute couples while I was out with my friends. It felt so good to finally be the envied one. When Jaesung finally put me down, I wrapped my arms around him. He laughed as he put his arms around me too.  
“What’s up Soohyun?” He whispered into my ear. I smiled, feeling more special than I ever had.  
“Do you know how long I waited for you to ask to be my boyfriend?” I replied, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering up a storm.  
“I was scared. I’ve never been a boyfriend before, and with the whole lying about being a trainee thing…”  
“Aww little Jaesungie was scaredd.” I teased. Jaesung wrinkled up his nose and hit me playfully.  
“Don’t be mean Soohyun. I really thought you were going to leave me back there. I can lose everything but I cant lose you.” He looked at me again with those sunshine eyes, and I melted a little bit. I squeezed Jaesung harder, like my life depended on it.  
“I will never leave you Sungie. Never ever ever ever!” I said, swaying each time I said ever.  
“And I will never leave you Soohyun. I promise.” He tilted my head up to look into his eyes and for a while I believed him. I really did. But girls that are in love don’t think straight. I wish I had known that. But honestly, I didn’t care. I had the most perfect boy in front of me, and nothing could bring me down.  
The weeks leading up to Jaesung’s debut were exhilarating. I spent all the time I could with him, and met the other 4 members of his band. They were all super nice, but a bit nervous about the agency finding out about me and Jaesung. Jaesung said it would be fine, but I knew there were things to worry about. Idols aren’t supposed to date. Especially while in a rookie group. They were supposed to put their everything into the band. Jaesung’s band was called “Butterfly.” It was a cute name. I couldn’t wait to be the girlfriend of the main vocalist of Butterfly.  
My friends knew I had a boyfriend, but I hadn’t told them who. All of them were excited for Butterfly to debut, and they all had crushes on the members. I joined in, saying I had a crush on Jaesung. Jaesung was already the most popular member, with loads of fanpages and baby fansites. The fansites usually hung out at the café near their practice rooms, so me and Jaesung were free to roam around the outer suburbs of Seoul. Jaesung and me had been going strong since the day he asked me to go out with him. The way he looked at me assured me that my feelings were mutual. Sometimes he still apologized for lying to me, but I reassured that nothing could make me lose my feelings for him. I was the happiest, luckiest girl in the world.  
I woke up late on a Saturday. I looked at the time. 2 pm. I was meeting Jaesung in an hour!! I rushed out of bed, had a quick shower and threw on some clothes, and miraculously managed not to miss the bus. On the bus I looked at my phone. The group chat of my friends was blowing up.  
-I cant wait to see minho in the Butterfly debut tomorrow!  
-I cant wait to see jinhyuk! He is the cutest baby I SWEAR!!  
-my babybabybaby Jaesungie will be singing for me tomorrow. He is so gorgeous! The mv teaser really shows off his visuals!! Jaesung is mine Soohyun-ah. He is my baby.  
I smirked. If she only knew. If she only knew that the next message was from her babybabybaby Jaesung.  
-Hey hyunie. Meet at the diner we always meet at? I need to tell u something.  
Suddenly I wasn’t feeling good anymore. The last time he said something like this I found out he was a trainee. I bit my lip as butterflies ironically fluttered around in my stomach, making me feel sick. Suddenly I didn’t want to see Jaesung. My phone pinged in my hand. There are so many beautiful charismatic girls in the kpop industry, and Jaesung is already the most popular member. He’s breaking up with me. He is. Did you ever think that he actually liked you? Pathetic. I scrunched my face up, trying to get the horrible voices out of my head.  
The bus pulled up, and I shakily got off. I stood in the cold spring air, closing my eyes. He’s a jerk if he breaks up with you Soohyun. You are a great girlfriend and a beautiful kind person. You don’t need him to be that. If anything, he needs you. I breathed, trying hard to believe the things I kept telling myself. I walked into the diner, and saw Jaesung sitting at a booth, chewing his lip and clutching some pink flowers tied with a ribbon. My heart swelled. He looked up and saw me, flashing a million-dollar smile. I felt the corners of my own mouth curl up, despite the worry still heavy in my chest.  
“hey Hyunie. Don’t look so worried, I have your favourites!” He hands me the little handful of pink blooms with a bashful smile. I took them and sniffed, the pretty fragrance overwhelming my senses. Suddenly we were just Jaesung and Soohyun, no strings attached. He was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend, and that was all that mattered. I smiled a big smile and watched Jaesung’s widen too. I sat down opposite him, and he took my hands.  
I ducked my head to hide behind my hair, shyness suddenly taking over. I felt him let go with one hand and push my hair behind my ears. I looked up and he caught my gaze, his cheeks pink, his lips swollen from nervous biting, his black silky bangs slightly covering his brown sugar eyes. I stared in wonder, how could someone look like that. How could my boyfriend look like that.  
“Do you wanna get out of here? I have a surprise for you.” I felt the butterflies beating their wings in my stomach until I could hardly breathe. I nodded and took his arm. Jaesung led me outside to where a motorbike was waiting. I gasped, and Jaesung grinned.  
“Jaesung! I didn’t know you had a motorbike!” I said in disbelief.  
“I borrowed it. You said you always wanted to ride through Seoul on the back of a motorbike. So I thought it would be a good time for that dream to come true.  
“Come on Soohyun, lets go!” I climbed on behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my cheek against his shoulder. He smelt like marshmallows and promises. I drifted back into dreamland, somewhere far away from Seoul, from kpop fans, agencies, idols. Me and Jaesung riding a motorbike through the clouds, the sun shining through, making everything glow softly. I looked up and saw an infinity of stars, each one on our side, telling me, singing to me that I will still be happy after Jaesung debuts. That nothing will change.  
And suddenly we were back in Seoul, with the car horns and sirens and saesangs. But my arms were still around Jaesung’s waist, holding him under his leather jacket. I turned my head to look ahead, the wind pushing my hair back. I planted a kiss on his shoulder, and looked up at his face. He was smiling softly, keeping his eyes on the road. In that moment I felt everything I had ever felt. I didn’t care that I was relying entirely on him. He was the cause of my happiness. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I had to say it. I had to.  
“I love you” I whispered, but the wind swept it away.  
-  
“Here we are! Come on Soohyun, come on!” Jaesung grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards Namsan tower. It stood tall and towering, shining in the afternoon sunlight. I rolled my eyes at how cliché it was. A date at namsan tower.  
“Oh wait! I almost forgot.” Jaesung muttered, pulling 2 black masks and beanie out of his pocket. He put on one of the masks, and hands the other to me. I look at him, confused.  
“I’m famous, remember? No one is ruining this day.” He winked at me, and pulled the beanie over his silky locks. I put on my mask, even though the dust was pretty good that day, and I was looking forward to not wearing one. Jaesung took my hand once again, and we began to climb the seemingly infinite stairs to the top.  
“So Jaesung, when did you resort to taking me to namsan?” I grinned beneath my mask as he turned, eyes wide in disbelief. His eyes, I could look into them for hours.  
“What do you mean? I thought it was a good idea. We could watch the sunset together, and, well, it was meant to be a surprise…” He says sadly, pulling from his pocket a padlock and key. Engraved on it were our initials. My heart just about burst. His sad eyes, his surprise, all his plans to make me happy before his life gets turned upside down. He should be practicing for his debut tomorrow. But he’s here. Holding my hand. I reached up and cupped his cheek. He looked down at me with those inescapable eyes.  
“Its absolutely perfect. Its beyond perfect, I am so happy Jaesung.” I say, pouring my heart out. His eyes crinkled, so I could tell he was smiling. He reached down and hugged me, straightening up so my feet left the ground. I grinned and threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He blushed pink, and so do I. We haven’t actually ever kissed yet, we are both too shy to make a first move. Hopefully soon. Hopefully.  
He put me down, and we continued walking. Soon, we reached the top. It was a warm autumn evening, and the sky was just beginning to turn pink. On the balcony of locks, there were only a few other couples, too wrapped up in each other to notice us. Jaesung handed me the padlock.  
“Okay, now think of a wish for us, and wish it into the padlock.” He said. I look down at the little pink padlock, and wish as hard as I can. I bet you can guess what I wished for. I handed it back to him, and he wrestled with the fence, trying to find room. I giggled as he swore under his breath, but finally he managed to get it on. We go over to the little box, and drop our key in together. I laughed, and glanced up to see Jaesung looking at me, capturing me in his warm honey gaze. He looked at me with hopeful, helpless eyes, and I know we wished for the same thing. To stay together after he debuts. Ahh, now I’ve said it, maybe it won’t come true.  
I squeezed his hand reassuringly, and his face softens. We walk hand in hand up to the lookout. The sky is darker now, the oranges fading into a deep purple, stars unevenly scattered. It’s beautiful. Me and Jaesung are alone up here, with the stars. I stood holding the railing, Jaesung hugging me from behind. For some reason, we don’t need to speak. The city lights say more than we ever could. I’ve lived in Seoul my whole life, but somehow I’ve never seen a sunset as beautiful as this. I felt Jaesung’s arms tighten around me, and I turned around to look at him.  
He looks out at the city, tears sliding down his face. He noticed me watching, and glanced down, pulling his mask down so it sits on his chin, beneath his mouth. He smiled down sadly, and I reached up to wipe his tears away.  
“Soohyun, I don’t want this to end. I don’t want any of this to end. The dates, the going out in public, seeing you face every day. You make me remember why I love music. I finally have someone to write songs about. I finally have someone to think about before I go to sleep, when I wake up, and every second in between. I know it will be hard on you, and I am so sorry. I just, I need you Lee Soohyun. You make me happier than I ever knew I could feel.” The cold wind flung tendrils of my black hair into my face as I pulled off my own mask. Tears glitter on both our cheeks as we held each other in the light of the streetlights and stars. His face was pink from the cold wind’s bite, his eyes sparkled with sadness. I wanted to pull the pain from his heart.  
“I love you.” I whispered. Jaesung’s eyes widened, and his bangs flew around in the wind. He smiled at me, soft, full of love. He leant down so I could feel his breath mingle with my own, see the tears on his lashes. His arms wrapped around my back, mine around behind neck. His forehead pressed against mine. We were so close. His eyelashes fluttered closed as he softly pressed his lips on mine. I felt electricity running through my veins as my own eyes close, blissfully consumed with happiness. I felt his head tilt as he deepened the kiss. He tasted of strawberries and summer and all I could feel was sweet euphoria as I kiss him. Nothing is as infinite as that feeling. I could’ve stayed there with him forever.  
We parted finally, breathing heavily. I glanced at Jaesung, and he smiled at me.  
“I love you too.”  
-


End file.
